If you’ve been wondering why I haven’t posted lately it’s because several sad things have happened in my family. My youngest daughter just went through two miscarriages, the second one being medically terminated in the beginning of the second trimester stage due to an improperly developing baby. The worst part of all of this news is that my youngest daughter never told me what she was going through and suffered through all of this alone. That’s a tremendous burden for a 36 year old to handle IMHO alone.
To make matters even more dire, two days after my daughter suffered through the pregnancy termination, she and her husband found out that her mother-in-law (her husband’s mother) committed a well-planned out suicide. She had been wanting to die for months and finally got her wish to come true. For the past five years, the woman had been suffering, in pain, from a rare disease and at the age of 68 stated she could no longer live as she was doing. She searched for ways to kill herself, such as through drugs. There were instances where she even threw herself out of a moving car. The woman was determined to end her life. Unfortunately, she picked a very wrong time to do it (but then again, is there ever a good time to kill oneself?)
So, my very young, beautiful daughter has had a double whammy of sadness and tragedy to deal with. The only thing I, as her mother can do, is just hug her dearly and offer her my love and support. My daughter does not want to talk nor does she want to answer any questions. She just cries out every once in a while and asks where her baby boy is. Heartbreaking, I know. She doesn’t want to hear anymore that this is” God’s way”. She doesn’t want to hear the word ‘God” at all.
I can give my daughter great comfort because I too have also suffered through two miscarriages. And yes, my second one ended tragically in the fifth month via medical intervention. I too have suffered through the loss of my own mother. There’s comfort in knowing you’re not alone and that others can understand your pain because they have been through similar tragedies. We know how to get through the pain. And no, the crying will never stop because there will always be something to remind you of your loss. My mother died 40 years ago and her presence in my life is still viable.
I can understand my daughter’s disdain for God right now. I don’t know why God took away my own mother and my own son. Yet, my faith and belief in God has never faltered. With the tragic comes the good and that, I suppose, is what they call ‘life’. My experience has taught me to appreciate my two daughters that I already have and to make my life as a mother more important, kind and meaningful as possible. I told my daughter she must look at what she already has. Not at what she lost. She has a beautiful, healthy five year old daughter, a wonderful husband, a great career and future. We all have been blessed with many, many blessings. We need to honor our good fortune.
My daughter’s MIL couldn’t deal with her five long years of pain. She is at peace now and we can not judge nor absolve what she has done. She was a powerful matriarchal figure over her own family and will be greatly missed. She leaves behind a husband, three children and six grandchildren. May she rest in peace.
And God, please help me be a blessing and give guidance to my own daughter and help her get through this family tragedy.