“Goals Don’t Have Expiration Dates” and other Meaningless Quotes Spewing Out Of Rachel Hollis’s Mouth.

My oldest daughter informed me she was no longer speaking with my sister anymore. When I asked her why, it was for something my sister did to her twenty-two years ago. Actually, my sister didn’t do it directly to my daughter. My sister did it more towards me but it indirectly affected my oldest daughter.

I’m getting rid of the toxic people in my life,” she said.

I’d get rid of you too (meaning me) but you’re my mother and I forgive you, so I’ll tolerate you” she continued.

I sat back in my chair, astounded and calmly asked my daughter how she came to all these conclusions. Very nastily my daughter replied:

Read ‘Girl, Wash Your Face ” was her reply. And we left it at that. Next day, I googled the quotation, found out it was a title of a book by self-help author/guru Rachel Hollis and I reserved a copy from my library. I reserved both the book and the eBook, whichever came faster. The complete title of the book is:

Girl, Wash Your Face: Stop Believing the Lies About Who You Are so You Can Become Who You Were Meant to Be

rachel
Rachel Hollis, herself

So, in retrospect, as a mother, I guess I’m supposed to find myself guilty of stopping my daughter from attaining anything? Funny thing is, I always told my daughters they were stars. I never once let a derogatory word escape into our vocabulary. I always encouraged them, told them they were magnificent and could be anything they wanted to be. Heck, when it came time for their college, I didn’t even tell them which ones they could go to, which ones we could afford or what curriculum to follow. It’s their life. Their choices. My daughter even eloped when it came time for her to marry So, WTF was my 41-year-old daughter talking about?

I sat down to read the book to find out. It’s a very sad commentary on many of our young women today, that their lives are so shallow, so empty that they have to depend on some nincompoop who spews a good word or two, thus causing said women to jump up and join some bandwagon. Perhaps it takes a lifetime of experience for anyone, meaning me, to realize sadly, Rachel Hollis is a phony, who tapped into a niche and is bilking the female masses dry.

Women (and men) want and need inspiration. We all need and hunger for that word of encouragement. We used to get it from our religion. Our parents. Our teachers. Our friends. But as more and more young people turn away from God and estranged parents, unfortunately, a door opened that anyone who’s got a bit of street cred can just slip in and take it all away. Rachel Hollis gives women hope and encouragement by touting such quotes as:

  • “know this one great truth: you are in control of your own life. …
  • “You, and only you, are ultimately responsible for who you become and how happy you are.” …
  • “People treat you with as much, or as little respect as you allow them to.” …
  • “Our words have power, but our actions shape our lives.”

Let me ask you a question. Did the people vacationing in Thailand this past December, 2018 have any control over their lives when a tsunami hit and killed them without warning? Scientists have been studying tsunamis for 35 years and had no explanation for this unusual occurrence. Or how about the recent California camp fires that wiped out whole, complete neighborhoods? It just came out that those fires happened because of the faulty, expired electrical equipment the utility company, Pacific Gas & Electric had in place. Oh, want to sue them? You can’t they just filed bankruptcy and your lawsuit is worthless. Plus, if you followed Hollis’s advice, it’s YOUR fault you suffered any losses. You should have known better.

My point is, you’re not in control of your own life. No one is. If you need a quote to get you through your day and is self-explanatory, try this one: SHIT HAPPENS. The secret is to accept the calamity and try to turn it around as best as you can. There’s no self-blame here folks. It is NOT your fault. You didn’t do this and NO! you are not in control of your life. It is NOT your fault if you didn’t become who you wanted to be. And yes, sometimes, we’re unhappy. Accept it. You can’t be happy 24/7/365. Sometimes, life just gets to you.

I think the most horrific quote from Hollis is ‘Goals Don’t Have An Expiration Date‘. As a 68 year old retiree, who has seen her fair share of challenges and heartbreak, I’m here to tell you yes, your dreams do have expiration dates. If you were dreaming of becoming an Olympic Ice Skating Champion and you’re 45 years old, guess what? Your dream is over. Ain’t gonna happen. Just like the folly of those retirement saving charts that state you have to have saved XXX amount of dollars by age 40 or 50 or 60 and you haven’t? That’s because you’re not!

Quite quickly in Rachel Hollis’s book you will read about her ‘struggle’ at age 19 dating a very abusive man. He was older than she and Hollis sort of became his slave. Rachel came when she was called. He beckoned and Rachel did whatever it is he asked her to do, even fetch his coffee when he was in town. Hollis endured countless episodes of ridicule from both the ‘boyfriend’ (oops, she wasn’t permitted to call him her boyfriend, for fear of reprisal) and his friends. So, after a year or so of this, Hollis decided no more. Of course, she contacted him and told him ‘no more’. But guess what? After two weeks he called her, Rachel proudly told him off, once and for all, and then promptly hung up the phone on him. Oh, she felt so good about herself now! What did the abusive non-boyfriend do? Oh, he flew to her house, knocked on her door and proposed marriage. Rachel Hollis accepted. Yup, she married her abuser. What kind of a female does such a thing? Weak ones. That’s who. Her husband is 8 years older than she is and if you think he stopped abusing her just because she stood up to him that one time, I’ve got a bridge in Brooklyn I can sell you for a dollar.

rachel and dave hollis
Take advice from these two? No thanks.

When it came time for me to go to college, I’ll be honest with you…….not too many colleges sent me an acceptance letter. My mother took it upon herself to get me into a college. Even if she had to bribe a college to do it. I will never forget the day we walked into the elite Baruch College in New York City. My mother had an appointment with The Dean and after meeting with him, looking over my application, high school grades and personally conversing with me, The Dean told my mother that I would make a wonderful wife and mother but there was no way in hell he was admitting me into Baruch College. Try to imagine being 17 years old and listening to all of this?

Now, of course, do you think for one second I believed this friggin’ Dean of Admissions? Nope. I spent the next thirty-three years trying to prove him wrong. I did eventually make a university, on a trial basis for students less worthy than. I was 3 credits shy of getting my diploma when I was thrown out of the university. Why? Because my grade average (1.7) was so low, they didn’t want me to bring down the entire school ratings. No prob. I went to another city college and got my degree using the credits I got from the university.

My entire life after college was spent trying to prove that Dean wrong. I’ll get to the end of the story because at age 50, after several failed job careers, two failed business ventures, a bankruptcy in 1987, one brutal divorce and custody battle and at least 10 lawsuits, I came to the same conclusion as that Deal of Admissions did. The only thing I am good at and successful at is being a wife (2nd marriage) and a mother. At age 50 I decided to stop trying to prove others wrong. Sometimes professionals can see what we refuse or can not see. What is so wrong with accepting an educated, professional opinion of ourselves? At age 50 I decided to just be myself, whomever that was and now at age 68, I’m glad I never looked back. I’m just a regular person with tons of failed dreams and goals that now, I’ve come to realize, were meaningless.

I am who I was meant to be.

And what was it now that bothered my 41 year old daughter from so long ago (1996) that by reading Rachel Hollis’s new book, Girl Wash Your Face stirred up after twenty-two years? Apparently, I was buying my eldest daughter, a recent college graduate a studio condo in Brooklyn Heights so she could reside near her newly hired career in NYC. The purchase price was $80,000 and I had just cashed in an investment and had said investment money sitting prettily in my checking account. Knowing I was flush with cash, my sister calculated I owed her some money, that she thought she deserved and was entitled to. She took it upon herself to forge and cash one of my checks in the amount of $5,000 thus upsetting the down payment I had amassed for my daughter’s condo. Rather than press charges against my sister, I called my father but he was no help. I just let it go and didn’t speak to either one of them for three years. Needless to say, my daughter never got her condo. I was only able to help her secure a rental, as she started her new career.

Fast forward to 9 years later (13 years ago) and I once again had amassed an amount of money suitable for a down payment on another condo for my daughter. This time, I had $50,000 to put down on a $238,000 condo in a better neighborhood. My daughter still owns the condo to this day and last we looked, Zillow had it appraised at $600,000. It’s a much better investment than that $80K condo could have ever been. My daughter should be happy. Not still holding a grudge against my sister. My sister did what she did to ME. Not my daughter. I believe my daughter is wrong in ridding herself of her aunt. But, according to Rachel, dumping toxic people is all the rage right now.

I could go one by one and discredit each and every one of Hollis’s pathetic quotes. I won’t waste your time nor mine. Rachel tells women to stand up for themselves and not take any slack. And then, in the same breath, Hollis tells you to go wash your face, like a good little girl yo’ momma wants yo to be.  If you really and truly need a daily pick-me-up or need to listen to encouraging words every day or whenever, may I recommend Joel Osteen. They call him the ‘smiling preacher’ for a reason. He gets his inspiration from God and Jesus.

God puts dreams and hopes into our heart. Only He can fulfill them. Not some greedy, money grabbing, fly girl.

 

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20 comments

  1. Wow Cindi ! Your oldest daughter just doesn’t stop does she? I’m so very sorry you’re going through this yet again.

    And you’re right, dreams DO have an expiration date. I’ll never go backpacking through Europe because I’m almost 62 years old and I like my comfort. Maybe if I’d done it in my 20’s but I was finishing college, getting married and having kids.

    I think your daughter sadly, still needs to grow up. I’m all in favor of cutting toxic people out of your life but in this case she is totally out of bounds. Stay strong, stay focused and this too shall pass. Geesh.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Teri isn’t my oldest a hoot? Always something new. I put part of the blame for her new attitude on all these crazy how-to books that come out. Why she chooses to believe and follow this nonsense is beyond me. Needless to say my sister is very upset her niece will not have anything to do with her. Oh well. Time is the only cure-all in this instance. I’m not going through anything, really. Just another day in Hootersville.
      May you one day visit Europe and stay in the best hotel, eat the finest food and travel down the safest of roads. Happy ‘comfy’ trails.
      Thank you for your comment.

      Like

  2. Your daughter needs a spanking. U are awesome !! Shred that book and mail it to your daughter in a box . She will get the point I’m sure !!

    Like

    • Hi Ev. It’s the library book. I didn’t pick it up. I downloaded the eBook instead. What junk these kids today listen to! When I get a chance, however I am going to sit down with my daughter and discuss the book together. I want her to tell me what she thinks is so great.
      Thanks for your comment.

      Like

  3. We are semi-estranged from our youngest son and I have a theory about this. When our grown up kids start having a rocky time with life, they look around for someone to blame. “Surely,” they say to themselves, “life was not meant to be difficult.” The easiest person for them to blame is always, ALWAYS, their parents. Mean old mommy made them do the dinner dishes every single night when they were in high school. Daddy never bought them their own car.

    Since we are all human it isn’t difficult to find fault in your parents. The painful truth is that I have fallen out of love with both of my sons. The only sad part is the loss of two precious granddaughters. Except for that I would not be bothered with never seeing either of them.

    Idiots, like the author you mention, promise we have total control over our lives. It’s a seductive message. You have to live for decades before you realize that you have some control, but it’s definitely limited.

    Like

    • Anne, thankfully, for whatever reason, or how ever it came about, my oldest daughter and I seem to be getting along. We see each other often and we call each other often and have de3cnet conversations with each other. I have, however, kept my mouth shut on certain topics because I do not want to ruin whatever it is we have now. She and her husband and the granddaughter rent a car and come to visit with me often and I want nothing to interfere with this grateful relationship we have now.
      I just try to tell her that she should have forgiveness. That’s what is missing from the religious side. People are human. people make mistakes. I have forgiven my sister (and my father). My daughter should do the same. She just hated how my sister treated me and can’t let go. And, as I said, it was done to ME not her. In the end, she got her condo and it turned out to be much better than the first choice.
      Right now, sh’e so in to this Rachel Hollis thing. Hopefully, it will be another phase that will pass.
      Thank your for your comment.

      Like

    • Penny, she is still paying it off to me. At $300 a month, I’ve got another 3.5 years to go. Her balance is around $12,000 and change. UGH is all I can say.
      Before I made the loan to her, I made her sign a notarized promissory note. When she quit her job a while back, she tried to get out of paying me, but I stood firm. The loan document would stand up in court and I will get my money back. Her husband stepped in to say he was most thankful for the loan (as he and my daughter were now living in the condo). He thanked me profusely and has made sure I get paid back in a timely manner. I did ask for an increase BUT they really can’t do any better. No worries. The money comes in very handy every first of the month.
      Thanks for your comment.
      PS: would I ever lend/invest money out again to my children? The answer is a resounding NO!

      Like

  4. Thank you for your review of the book. I will not bother to read it. I believe many people believe these phonies, and any fad that comes their way, etc. I’m extremely annoyed with the latest diet fad – the Keto diet. Soon someone, somewhere will decide oops, maybe eating only fat is not a good thing. Good lord. Anyway, I’m glad you have taken this so well. And I’m glad you have forgiven your sister. Life is too short for grudges.

    Like

    • Sharon, I love my sister with all my heart. She and her husband were going through extremely difficult finances of their own at that time. I can understand what financial worries can do to some people. She flaked out! She obviously has a problem. I love my sister BUT I would never ever trust her again when it comes to money.
      You can follow Rachel Hollis on Facebook, Instagram and other social medias. I think you can read the 1st chapter of her book for free. maybe on Amazon? Not sure.
      So many youths today are just so, so lost. They say they feel a hole in their soul and are constantly looking for ways to fill it. Sad.
      Thanks for your comment.

      Like

  5. Oh what a tragedy! Life can change or end in an instant. How many of us would give everything we own to spend one more day with a loved one! I am so sorry your daughter has been so misled. Loving, caring, having empathy make us human, gives life meaning, makes it worth living. We tend to think that there is always more time. There’s not.

    Like

    • Hi Florence. What my daughter needs to learn is ‘forgiveness’. We’re only human and yes we make mistakes. Sometimes BIG mistakes. I’ve since forgiven my sister. We’re the best of friends.
      Anyway, each Christmas and birthday my sister sends presents too my oldest and her daughter (my granddaughter) and my eldest daughter never, ever responds. My sister cries over this but won’t give up.
      This Christmas, there was a break. My eldest mailed my sister a Christmas card, with a family photo AND did send my sister a personal email thanking her for the gifts. My sister was elated! It’s a start.
      Thank you for your comment.

      Like

  6. Wow, love the conversation you have created around this book. It is a lot of fluff from what I have read so far. I have taken away far more from “It’s Never Too Late to Begin Again”. I would rather follow the wisdom of Julia Cameron than Rachel Hollis. Especially at my age.

    Like

    • Leslie, Rachel Hollis is for the young mothers. The young entrepreneur. Hollis speaks the language they want to hear. For me, experience was a better teacher.
      Enjoy the fluff. It’s fun.

      Like

  7. HI, Cindi – I wish that Leslie and I had read your review before deciding to read Hollis’ book. It would have saved us much frustration! 🙂
    I was sickened to read that your daughter quoted Hollis’ book as an excuse not to speak to your sister. Life is too short for narrow decisions like that. I was glad to read in your comments (which are very engaging btw) that your daughter has slowly started to pass an olive branch to your sister. Long may this continue!

    Like

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