I’ll be in my 70’s for the Decade of 2020. At this point in my longish life, I can sit back and look over all the decades I’ve lived through and evaluate myself and my accomplishments. You wouldn’t think I had any accomplishments but there they are: I’ve overcome being accidentally poisoned by my grandmother at the age of five because she stored DDT in empty Pepsi Cola bottles in the food pantry. Because of this, I have a slight learning disability. You would think that God spared my life at such a young age because He had better plans for me as I got older. Well, that’s what I thought too. Unfortunately (or fortunately) I’ve had a rather non-descript life ever since. I haven’t broken any barriers, set new records or jumped over any stupendous hurdles, nor have I changed the world in any way.
Nope. I’ve just lived an ordinary life. The kind most people also live BUT never, ever talk about it. Except that I do. Because I think God intended my simple but troubling life to be sort of like a beacon. In other words, things like accidental drug poisoning, parental violence, sexual child abuse, expellment out of two schools for failing grades, marital discord, domestic violence, adultery, divorce, kidnapping, custody battle, re-marriage, family estrangement, friend betrayal, miscarriage, lupus misdiagnosis, countless lawsuits, a brief brush with the mafia, business partner embezzlement, revenge, bankruptcy, an almost foreclosure, went broke twice, and attempted first suicide at the age of 10 should be of interest to a lot of people.
Gosh. I’m a bleeding-heart liberal’s wet dream.
And yet through it all not once did I ever reach for an alcoholic drink or take any drug or mind-altering hallucinogenic to deal with any of my self-induced messes. Yup. I brought all of this upon myself because I’m stupid and an idiot. When I was 14 years old, I started my first diary. My opening line was: History Of A Loser. Not much hope at fourteen years old, had I?
How did I get through all the misadventures of my lifetime so far? It was easy. I just sat down and prayed to God to help me. It’s as plain and as simple as that. My first encounter with God was at the age of 10, when I tried to kill myself. God’s voice was as clear and as plain as could be. I heard Him speak to me distinctively. I told God that I had absolutely no idea what I was doing. In fact, I still tell God the same thing to this day. Every night, when I say my prayers, I tell God I have no idea what I am doing. I ask God to show me the way and lo and behold, He tells me what to do.
God told me who to report my physical abusers to. He told me it’s OK to get thrown out of a certain school and then He opens up a door to another school, much more attuned to someone like me, so that I can learn and flourish and get A+s instead of D-s. God told me I didn’t have lupus and NOT to take any of the medications an out-of-touch doctor prescribed. God told me to leave my abusive husband. God led me to hire a private investigator to locate my children, who had been kidnapped by my ex and I hadn’t seen in almost a year. God helped me find an attorney to win back my children in court and gave me a better husband thirty-eight years ago. God told me it was better to miscarry than bring any more children in to my world.
You’re having money problems, God asked me? No worries. I inherited money three times in my lifetime so far and each time the money came just in time to save my life. Losing your home to foreclosure, God asked me? Don’t give it a second thought. I sold my home one day before it went in to foreclosure, thus saving me thousands and thousands of dollars in foreclosure fees and netted me enough cash equity to build another home for cash, buy two cars for cash and invest the rest for a bright retirement future.
Business partner stealing your client list and embezzling money out of your company, God asked me? Sue her for $100,000,000 and watch her slither away like the snake she really is. God sent me the best attorney, who did the work for free. Said it was his best and easiest case ever. She folded like a cheap camera.
That silent business partner who loaned you money turned out to be a mafia thug when it came time to pay him back? No problem. A stint in a Federal Court exposed him for what he was (he couldn’t bribe a federal judge) and got your case dismissed.
God has taught me humility. To be kind to others less than myself. God has taught me to be grateful for what I have and don’t have. Everything is for a reason even if I don’t fully understand what the reason is. God has taught me to be fair and respectful when I first meet someone. If that person, however, chooses to hurt me in any way, Lord help that person because they will soon be feeling the tip of a mighty sword. My mother-in-law, grandmother-in-law and aunt-in-law all conspired to keep my children from me. It was my father-in-law who finally contacted me and told me where my children were being hidden. Three weeks after I won my children back in a vicious custody court battle, all three women died of heart attacks within the month. Think that’s a coincidence? I don’t.
The Senior Partner of the great and prestigious law firm I worked for did everything in his power to destroy my life. That’s the thanks I got for 8 years of dedicated service. Think it was a coincidence that I met a labor attorney at a cocktail party who had no affiliation with that Senior Partner and thus represented me in a dragged out age discrimination/sexual harassment lawsuit that I eventually won? Think it’s also a coincidence that said Senior Partner died within a year later, at age 66, of a heart attack, in his $10million dollar East Hampton Estate living room, never to collect his own Social Security and retirement funds that he so vehemently tried to deny me? I don’t.
Don’t ever doubt that there really is a God, who watches over me like a hawk.
I lived my 60’s decade aimed at achieving tranquility. Each passing year got me closer to living my goal in less and less chaos. I’m hoping my 70’s decade will be much of the same, if not better. Each day I draw further and further away from the world and have found peace in my daily life. God has given me a great home to live in with plenty of blessings around me. At first I was upset over my husband’s potentially failing health but I have come to realize that God gave me this great husband and God can surely take him away from me if He so desires. My husband was instrumental in getting my children back. He dedicated his life to raising my two daughters as if they were his own. Perhaps his job on this earth is over?
I’ve been asked many, many times to write a book about my life. I’m sorry. But I just can’t. My memories are just too painful and I truly need to forget them. I don’t care much about what people say or think about me. They’re just opinions and like assholes, everybody’s got one.
I know my journey is not alone. I know that there are countless people out there who just can’t seem to make it through. I’m here to tell you, you can make it through, because I made it through despite it all. You just need to trust a higher authority, call it ‘God’ or ‘Spirit’ or ‘Whatever’. Throw your hands up to the winds and listen to what the universe has to tell you. Just make sure it’s a good spirit talking to you and not the devil.
I’ve lived a most magical life. I always managed to keep my sense of humor intact (yes! I have a sense of humor, that’s so good in fact, I thought about becoming a stand-up comic. Lord know I have enough material. I know I have it a whole lot better than most, as my hubby constantly reminds me. I just know that I, as well as you, can lose it all in a blink of an eye.
By the Grace of God, there go I