2020 Is The Beginning Of A New Decade

I’ll be in my 70’s for the Decade of 2020. At this point in my longish life, I can sit back and look over all the decades I’ve lived through and evaluate myself and my accomplishments. You wouldn’t think I had any accomplishments but there they are: I’ve overcome being accidentally poisoned by my grandmother at the age of five because she stored DDT in empty Pepsi Cola bottles in the food pantry. Because of this, I have a slight learning disability. You would think that God spared my life at such a young age because He had better plans for me as I got older. Well, that’s what I thought too. Unfortunately (or fortunately) I’ve had a rather non-descript life ever since. I haven’t broken any barriers, set new records or jumped over any stupendous hurdles, nor have I changed the world in any way.

Nope. I’ve just lived an ordinary life. The kind most people also live BUT never, ever talk about it. Except that I do. Because I think God intended my simple but troubling life to be sort of like a beacon. In other words, things like accidental drug poisoning, parental violence, sexual child abuse, expellment out of two schools for failing grades, marital discord, domestic violence, adultery, divorce, kidnapping, custody battle, re-marriage, family estrangement, friend betrayal, miscarriage, lupus misdiagnosis, countless lawsuits, a brief brush with the mafia, business partner embezzlement, revenge, bankruptcy, an almost foreclosure, went broke twice, and attempted first suicide at the age of 10 should be of interest to a lot of people.

Gosh. I’m a bleeding-heart liberal’s wet dream.

And yet through it all not once did I ever reach for an alcoholic drink or take any drug or mind-altering hallucinogenic to deal with any of my self-induced messes. Yup. I brought all of this upon myself because I’m stupid and an idiot. When I was 14 years old, I started my first diary. My opening line was: History Of A Loser. Not much hope at fourteen years old, had I?

How did I get through all the misadventures of my lifetime so far? It was easy. I just sat down and prayed to God to help me. It’s as plain and as simple as that. My first encounter with God was at the age of 10, when I tried to kill myself. God’s voice was as clear and as plain as could be. I heard Him speak to me distinctively. I told God that I had absolutely no idea what I was doing. In fact, I still tell God the same thing to this day. Every night, when I say my prayers, I tell God I have no idea what I am doing. I ask God to show me the way and lo and behold, He tells me what to do.

painful life.jpg

God told me who to report my physical abusers to. He told me it’s OK to get thrown out of a certain school and then He opens up a door to another school, much more attuned to someone like me, so that I can learn and flourish and get A+s instead of D-s. God told me I didn’t have lupus and NOT to take any of the medications an out-of-touch doctor prescribed. God told me to leave my abusive husband. God led me to hire a private investigator to locate my children, who had been kidnapped by my ex and I hadn’t seen in almost a year. God helped me find an attorney to win back my children in court and gave me a better husband thirty-eight years ago. God told me it was better to miscarry than bring any more children in to my world.

You’re having money problems, God asked me? No worries. I inherited money three times in my lifetime so far and each time the money came just in time to save my life. Losing your home to foreclosure, God asked me? Don’t give it a second thought. I sold my home one day before it went in to foreclosure, thus saving me thousands and thousands of dollars in foreclosure fees and netted me enough cash equity to build another home for cash, buy two cars for cash and invest the rest for a bright retirement future.

Business partner stealing your client list and embezzling money out of your company, God asked me? Sue her for $100,000,000 and watch her slither away like the snake she really is. God sent me the best attorney, who did the work for free. Said it was his best and easiest case ever. She folded like a cheap camera.

That silent business partner who loaned you money turned out to be a mafia thug when it came time to pay him back? No problem. A stint in a Federal Court exposed him for what he was (he couldn’t bribe a federal judge) and got your case dismissed.

God has taught me humility. To be kind to others less than myself. God has taught me to be grateful for what I have and don’t have. Everything is for a reason even if I don’t fully understand what the reason is. God has taught me to be fair and respectful when I first meet someone. If that person, however, chooses to hurt me in any way, Lord help that person because they will soon be feeling the tip of a mighty sword. My mother-in-law, grandmother-in-law and aunt-in-law all conspired to keep my children from me. It was my father-in-law who finally contacted me and told me where my children were being hidden. Three weeks after I won my children back in a vicious custody court battle, all three women died of heart attacks within the month. Think that’s a coincidence? I don’t.

The Senior Partner of the great and prestigious law firm I worked for did everything in his power to destroy my life. That’s the thanks I got for 8 years of dedicated service. Think it was a coincidence that I met a labor attorney at a cocktail party who had no affiliation with that Senior Partner and thus represented me in a dragged out age discrimination/sexual harassment lawsuit that I eventually won? Think it’s also a coincidence that said Senior Partner died within a year later, at age 66, of a heart attack, in his $10million dollar East Hampton Estate living room, never to collect his own Social Security and retirement funds that he so vehemently tried to deny me? I don’t.

Don’t ever doubt that there really is a God, who watches over me like a hawk.

I lived my 60’s decade aimed at achieving tranquility. Each passing year got me closer to living my goal in less and less chaos. I’m hoping my 70’s decade will be much of the same, if not better. Each day I draw further and further away from the world and have found peace in my daily life. God has given me a great home to live in with plenty of blessings around me. At first I was upset over my husband’s potentially failing health but I have come to realize that God gave me this great husband and God can surely take him away from me if He so desires. My husband was instrumental in getting my children back. He dedicated his life to raising my two daughters as if they were his own. Perhaps his job on this earth is over?

I’ve been asked many, many times to write a book about my life. I’m sorry. But I just can’t. My memories are just too painful and I truly need to forget them. I don’t care much about what people say or think about me. They’re just opinions and like assholes, everybody’s got one.

I know my journey is not alone. I know that there are countless people out there who just can’t seem to make it through. I’m here to tell you, you can make it through, because I made it through despite it all. You just need to trust a higher authority, call it ‘God’ or ‘Spirit’ or ‘Whatever’. Throw your hands up to the winds and listen to what the universe has to tell you. Just make sure it’s a good spirit talking to you and not the devil.

I’ve lived a most magical life. I always managed to keep my sense of humor intact (yes! I have a sense of humor, that’s so good in fact, I thought about becoming a stand-up comic. Lord know I have enough material. I know I have it a whole lot better than most, as my hubby constantly reminds me. I just know that I, as well as you, can lose it all in a blink of an eye.

By the Grace of God, there go I




  1. Your life sounds pretty colorful to me. I can relate to some of it. Other events were uniquely yours as I had ones that are uniquely mine. I have made it through sober and sane and have learned that things do happen for a reason. I also am hoping for a peaceful new decade. Here’s to hope & peace all around 🕊️


  2. I apologize in advance for this novel-your post stirred many thoughts I feel I want to comment. Your experience is your own, and I am interested in your take on retirement and financial planning. I will say though, you come off as so many other current day conservative/religious zealots come off labeling “liberals” as clueless and gullible, with out a shred of knowledge about how they (myself being one) live our lives, and what we have experienced in our lives to build our knowledge and belief system. I can’t relate to what it is like to be bankrupt or near bankrupt, but that doesn’t make me more clueless or gullible than you. I didn’t have to fight for custody of my kids because I have pretty good judgement on the character of others and married a man the first time that puts his family first, defends his wife, while still having a relationship with his siblings and parents. I’m sorry if that makes people less knowledgeable to face the realities of the world, but I don’t think you have t have had a hard knocks life to be in the know and make sound decisions for oneself. My God doesn’t go out of his way to smite down anyone that I feel has done me wrong-yeah, I do think all these deaths so close to your experience were coincident, but you live and believe you. My God is about love and support through the hard times-not knocking down dead those that give me the life challenges. This God belief and the right wing fanatical “Christians” is what is killing organized churches other than the uber money churches (and I won’t get started on that) and keeping young people away in droves. That said, I’ll read blogs and talk with people that have different takes as that is how we learn, challenge ourselves, and question so that we truly can make decisions and have thoughts that allow us to have self worth and peace of mind. You are a good writer-and an interesting communicator, no questions about it, which is why I pop in to read often. I hope your 2020 is a good year, and the next 10 a good decade. I wish you well, and well wishes for your husbands health, and your relationship with your daughters continue to improve. I hope your heart softens a bit towards those that may dare to view or live in the world different than you, because we are not really all idiots, just people that are trying to live our lives to our personal best.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Hi Sam. I don’t think you are a modern liberal Democrat. I may be wrong but I think you are from the era of Franklin Delano Roosevelt, John F. Kennedy and even as recent as Bill Clinton (whom I voted for). Those were and are great American Democrats. I’m talking about today’s modern, progressive, liberal Democrat, who I think, have lost all rhyme or reason or common sense IMHO. I have tried on numerous occasions to sit down and talk with these folks but it never happens. They really have no answers for me nor anyone else for that matter.
      I also have not stated that I am a Christian or belong to any religion, organized or otherwise. You have to understand that I was sexually molested by a trusted priest and beaten till my legs bled by my grammar school nuns. I despise the Catholic church and I detest the pope. I just believe that there really is a stronger power above us in life and whomever or whatever that stronger power is, its done me a world of good.
      As for what happened to my ex….if you don’t want to believe in God, then surely you can believe in Karma? You can’t go through life being mean to other people and expect your own life to be blissful. What goes around, comes around.
      I don’t speak from hearsay , rumors or conjecture. I speak from real life experiences. That lawfirm I worked for, the senior partners’ wife was instrumental in getting Hillary Clinton elected in NY state. The lawfirm was 100% Democratic and the only reason why I was hired was because I was their token registered Independent. I have absolutely no idea what it means to be a conservative but I do remember being called one when I worked for a non-for profit progressive school. There were no Republicans in the 45 person lawfirm. I watched how they treated other people, other co-workers. Their employees. No one ever collected unemployment insurance. They abused and mistreated their employees so horribly, that the employees quit instead thus gaining no benefits. I was the first person to stand up to them and successfully sue them in court. I won. I was the first person to even collect Unemployment Insurance from this law firm. And they tried everything in the book to get my case dismissed or dropped. My attorney told me he had never seen anything like that. So, where was the compassion these so-called Democrats were talking about? They voted to give people 99 weeks of Unemployment (this happened during the late 1990’s recession) but fought me tooth and nail NOT to pay me UI???The entire place was so corrupt IMHO it was disgusting. My own daughters, who work in the entertainment field in NYC, were told, when first hired, that they had to vote Democrat and follow their liberal guidelines (which included demonstrations supporting partial-birth abortion etc) otherwise they’d be blackballed out of NYC. You do remember that once my daughters found out I voted for Trump they stopped talking to me and kept my granddaughters away from me for 2 years (plus they told all their co-workers how evil I was) Do you think that’s normal behavior? Do you think I deserved to be treated that way? Do you really think these things don’t happen? Is there any wonder why I don’t like nor am particularly fond of progressive liberal ass current Democrats? What’s happening in our country is the left is going to one day fight the right and we’ll have an actual Civil War. Neither side can talk to each other anymore. It’s become a nasty name calling spectacle. Aren’t you embarrassed sometimes when you hear what others say out loud? Have you ever heard such vile rhetoric? I’m no angel either but I’m not a politician nor in the spotlight. That’s why I need to bow out.
      And fast.
      Thanks for your comment.


    • PS: Sam if I have offended you in any way, as it is quite common for me to open mouth, insert foot, I apologize. I named the people I was directing my comments to. You, most assuredly weren’t any of them. Again, sorry.


      • I never take offense personally in blog world. I’m free to not read, and it’s your blog-I actually thought I went a bit overboard in my snarky comments so apologies. I’ll hold all comments anout Catholic Church other than I am so sorry for you and all victims of that abuse. There’s idiots and conmen on both parties and Hilary on the Dem ticket was awful, leaving people to vote for anyone but her. But this nonsensical worship of Trump who ran on a platform of sexual and financial exploitation makes me never able to take anyone politically serious who voted for him intentionally because they sillily believe he has the common mans interest at heart.

        Liked by 1 person

      • Sam I’m not a 100% supporter of Trump. I just knew he was better than Hillary because I personally knew Hillary and a bit about Trump because he and I grew up in the same NY era. If Trump has done something impeachable then impeach the guy, legally of course and get his trial going on in the senate. See how corrupt everything is in DC? I think America is long gone. The media is non-trustworthy. People are at each other’s throats. Hate crime is at an all time high. No respect for authority and on and on.
        I’m all for doing what is right and sensible. Common sense. I’d love to listen and have a conversation with the other side. Whatever and whomever that is. I haven’t found it yet. You did. 👍
        Thanks for your comment. I appreciate your thoughts. Thank you again.


  3. You are sure a survivor and, like most of us, have made a good life for yourself in spite of the circumstances that you endured. I lived in an alcoholic family with a father who also had bipolar although mental illness wasn’t really known about 60 years ago. Not only did I inherit mental illness but my daughter has it as well. I made very poor decisions and pretty much gave up on life. However, I am a Christian and that relationship with the Lord is my rock. I am familiar with Bob and Barbara’s blogs. I’ve also read some comments that Tamara has written on Bob’s blog. Bob is always trying to find himself. Must be so sad at his age to keep having to keep searching, trying to find a variety of things to interest himself and not have any peace. I don’t enjoy these blogs. I have peace in spite of a traumatic childhood and poor choices on my part. I think you have found that also. dee


    • Hi Dee. I love you.
      My husband’s father was an alcoholic. His father was also a boxer. My husband Nick got some brutal beatings while growing up. His family called him a loser. But when I met him. I saw him for a star. Nick is a very talented man with hands of gold. He and I hit it off from the start and together we have carved out a good life for ourselves and my two daughters.
      Isn’t it wonderful to have our Lord to pray to and ask for help, forgiveness and to receive His blessings? God is good.
      I feel sad for Bob right now also. He seems to have lost his way. His focus. He may be having a mid life crisis. Who knows. I hope he can rightside himself again.
      Tamara has been terribly mean to me over the years. Sometimes I do admire her and look up to her but then sometimes I just don’t. Barbara just lives herself in a fantasy land and is just too uber easy giving away other peoples money. But then again, look at her own story.
      Everybody is trying to justify their lives. I say “It is what it is”.
      I am so happy you have found peace in your life. So have Nick and I. The Lord is our rock. I find so much comfort in speaking to Him.
      Have a Happy New Year.
      Have a peaceful, happy decade too.
      Thank you for your comment.


  4. Note to Tamara: the title of Bobs post is “It Made Me Angry”. So if anyone is angry that would be Bob. seems lately lots of things are making him angry. He’s looking for a new life. If anyone is feeling out of sorts In retirement, lost and unhappy, it would be Bob. If you want to wish anyone well, that would be Bob. Not me.


  5. Note to Mr. Millionaire. You may find it hard to believe but that’s because you’re a sinner. You adore money more than anything else so you won’t understand what I am going to say. God also taught me forgiveness. To forgive those who were the most mean to me. And that would be my first husband who put me and my family through a living hell. In the end he did not win. I did. I was awarded everything I ever wanted, for me and my children, in court. But my ex husband is still the father of my daughters and for their sake it was best for me and my children to forgive my husband, make amens, include him in their lives and to carry on forward. I have never said a bad word to my two daughters about their father. Ever. So yes, he and I became friends, cordial and tolerant of each other which meant being at birthday parties together, confirmation parties, graduation parties and their eventual weddings. This makes for happy, well adjusted children. Ex husband kept up his part of the agreement. He never Missed a child support payment, he paid half of tuition, medical and whatever our daughters wanted. Also my ex and current husband get along very well. forgive and move forward. That’s what God wants from us. And yes, despite it all, I am a very kind and considerate person, best compliment ever.


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